March 8, 2022 - The Grief Journey

I have debated sharing this, in part due to my “emotional state of being” and also because I’m not looking for sympathy.

Our world is full of grieving people and we live in a culture where we aren’t taught about grief and how to deal with it, much less talk about it. So if I can help change that, I am willing to take the risk in being vulnerable…

As someone walking out this journey, I have an incredible community walking with me, I am sure at times they don’t know what to do with me, but they keep showing up. At times I feel like I am losing my mind, like when I leave home to go to a local produce stand near our church, and realize a mile later, that I was supposed to turn back there. There are times that the emotions roll like a tidal wave, other times they barely make a ripple. It is a wild and unpredictable journey, but we keep walking. The last few days have been a bit tough, just when you think you are making progress one of those tsunami size waves of grief knocks you down and tries to take you under. Some days I feel like maybe I set myself up for the wave, like going to the beach when you know there is a storm coming. Other times it is like a “rogue wave” that seemingly comes out of nowhere.

Shari’s love language was the giving and receiving of gifts, especially the giving. If you knew her you probably received a gift from her at some time. She had a box in our garage labeled “extra gifts” and a collection of greeting cards for every occasion. I always struggled with getting her the “just right gift” but I tried, it was the simple things she appreciated the most.

Spinner I bought Shari

Through the years I had some huge successes and a few epic fails in my gift giving experience.

This is the last gift I got for her. It is a wind spinner that I saw in an online advertisement. I ordered it before we got sick with Covid, just because. There was no special occasion, which made the gifts more special to Shari. The spinner didn’t arrive until a few days after her memorial service, I didn’t realize it was being shipped from Norway. I didn’t open it for a while. I decided this past weekend it was time to put it out. Did I ever underestimate the emotional impact it would have…many times it is the things that may seem insignificant to others that are hugely significant for the person on the grief journey.

We have come to far to stop now, we must journey onward!!!

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