May 2, 2022 - The Grief Journey

Eight months, 243 days ago, Shari tested positive for the Covid virus, September 2, 2021.

Little did I know that day would be one that would change my life forever.

We were both sick with Covid, I had tested positive the day before. Over the next week I would watch her get sicker while I seemed to be getting better. Then on the morning of September 9th I convinced her to contact our doctor. After the video consultation, he told her she needed to go straight to the hospital. Watching her walk into that hospital alone is still a difficult memory. She would spend the next 28 days in the hospital, 17 in the ICU and on a ventilator, then on October 7 at 5:45 pm she transitioned from this world to her new home in Heaven.

These months have been more difficult than anything I could have imagined. But here I am, finding my way through this new season. Shari and the boys always wondered how I got anywhere without their help navigating, sometimes I wonder myself, but I am moving forward, a little bit each day. It’s not the life I envisioned, nor the one Shari and I had dreamed about, but it is the one that I now live. I am not the person I was a few months ago and I won’t be the same person a few months from now as my life continues to grow around the grief I carry in my heart.

hearts

The tears still flow, more freely at times than I would like, but the tears are tears of gratitude and appreciation for the 40 years we had together in this world, for the good times and the challenging times, for the fruit that God has produced through and in our lives and the memories I cherish. I miss Shari every minute of every day and I always will but will ever be grateful for her impact in my life. Her legacy lives on in me, our sons and their families and so many others whose life Shari touched!

Yes, life is looking different, feeling different and I’m living different.

Things that were once important no longer seem to matter and there are new opportunities coming along each day to “Make A Difference” in my world. God has blessed me with an incredible community that has been there for me every step of the way. There are new friendships I have been blessed with and unfortunately some that I thought would be there during this season that haven’t been able to be, but that’s okay too. Of course, God has been so very faithful as He leads me through the valley of the shadow of death, some days catching glimpses of the mountains ahead.

Some of the new opportunities ahead:

  • I am “going back to school” this summer to work on a master’s degree, I may be the oldest student in the program, maybe not, but you are never too old to learn.
  • I have someone working with me on developing a website that will host my writings, those of a friend on this journey too, resources for those on their own grief journey and hopefully a forum where people can share their grief journey without fear of ridicule or judgment. As I continue to move forward, I hope to share about some of the things that I have learned thus far on this grief journey.

Given the opportunity, God turns the pain in our lives into purpose. He can use our pain to shape us and use us to be a blessing to others. That’s what I’m believing for and working towards.

Shari's SpinnerThe video is the spinner I ordered for Shari before we got sick, it wasn’t delivered until after her memorial service, it is the “last gift” I got for her, I wrote about it on March 8 when I put it in the yard. It wouldn’t spin until my son made some adjustments this weekend. Ironically today is the first time I have seen it spin since it was placed on March 8.

As always thanks for the love, support and encouragement as we all take this journey together.

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